Re-Post: Rage of the Red Mages

Had to Re-Post this: My favorite Post on RDM
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You may or may not believe this, but I play FFXI a lot.

I know. You're shocked.

The Thing is I don't think you quite understand how much I play this game. I don't think you, a perfectly reasonable, normal person, can fathom just how much time I spend playing.

A rational brain probably can't even perceive it.

I have leveled so many characters, a countless legion of warriors and mages spread across all of the races.

Okay, maybe not countless. There have been like 16 or 17 of them.

Still, that's a lot of freaking characters.

Some of them started out as crafting mules that I leveled up enough to farm their own materials.

Some of them started out as a flicker of thought in a moment of boredom.

One started out just so I could see what my main would have looked like as a chick.

Answer: hot.

I'm not sure I should be proud of that.

I am proud, but I'm not sure I should be.

Anyway, one of the side effects of this process is that I have spent an exorbitant (spelled that correctly on the second try) amount of time playing most of the jobs available in FFXI.

Most of you know my main job is Dragoon. All of my characters eventually end up spending some part of their career as a Dragoon.

But not their entire career.

No, to add some spice to the mix, I like to mix up my job classes now and again, just to see how the other half lives.

Or the other 95%.

I've dabbled in the magery (totally made that one up) from time to time and I must admit I have spent a hell of a lot of time playing as a Red Mage.

This has everything to do with their versatility and absolutely nothing to do with their awesome freaking pimp hat.

Absolutely nothing.

Nothing at all.

During my time playing Red Mage and leveling several characters as Red Mages, I can come to an interesting conclusion: I am not an expert at being a Red Mage.

Honestly, the job is so freaking complex. It takes a massive attention to timing and detail, and requires a lot of focus.

I love Dragoon, but that's like hit attack, hit jump, go make a sandwich. You come back, thing is dead.

Boom, exp.

Also, boom, sandwich.

When I'm playing Red Mage, I just feel like there's too much shit to do. You're always watching this timer and watching that guy's mp.

Don't get me wrong. I kick freaking ass as a Red Mage. I don't do this shit half-assed. When I'm in the pimp suit, I'm always bringing my A game.

But I still don't conisder myself an expert. Even after so much experience.

Funny story: Do you know who is an expert at being a Red Mage?

EVERY OTHER FREAKING PLAYER IN THE GAME!

Never play Red Mage before? Have a barely passing knowledge of the job mechanics? Have you accidentally visited a Red Mage forum? Did you own a Brady Guide?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, you are APPARENTLY an freaking expert at being a Red Mage.

I know this because every time I play Red Mage, EVERY FREAKING TIME, I am surrounded by people who want to explain to me how I should play my job.

Oh, you need a refresh now? Thanks for telling me. I have no way of figuring that shit out. They should really put a little bar underneath your hp that could go up when you have refresh on.

I will speak to the devs about that.

You know, after I HOP IN MY TIME MACHINE.

When exactly did the logic train derail and kill everyone on board here? When did it become normal practice to explain to other players how to play their job?

You don't see people giving Paladins helpful F&%@ing hints.

Hey, Dark Knight. You should try missing less.

You don't do that. You join a party and you assume everyone knows how to do their freaking job. You assume the tank is going to keep hate. You assume the healer is going to keep you up. You assume the melees are going to lay down damage.

Oh, wait. There's a Red Mage in your party. You better tell that bastard what to do.

What the hell is that?

Red Mages are an integral part to many party dynamics and provide an important resource to any group.

They are not the retarded kid next door that needs to be reminded to wipe his ass before he gets on the little yellow bus.

We got this. We are well in control of the situation.

If you don't have refresh for three or four seconds, maybe we're busy doing something. Maybe we're doing something else and you can wait.

Hold your breath, too. That helps.

Either you'll calm down or you will pass the F&%@ out and won't be able to type any more.

I was in a party earlier and this one guy, a WAR/NIN, just wouldn't shut the F&%@ up. The whole time we were in a party together, all he did was bitch.

HE DOESN'T EVEN HAVE MP AND/OR REQUIRE REFRESH.

All he did was tell me how to do my own job better. He questioned my timing, my refresh cycle order, everything.

He even questioned my equipment.

WAR>> Why are you wearing that earring?
[GM]Dave>> It's the best earring for my level.
WAR>> No, it's not.
[GM]Dave>> Yes.
[GM]Dave>> Yes, it is.
WAR>> You don't know shit.
WAR>> I'd never wear that earring.
[GM]Dave>> What level is you Red Mage?
WAR>> 23.

This is a level 65-67 party, mind you.

[GM]Dave>> You need to shut up now.
[GM]Dave>> Forever.
WAR>> What a noob.
[GM]Dave>> Psssttt. Hey, leader. We should totally boot the WAR.
WAR>> You moron.
WAR>> You said that in party chat.
[GM]Dave>> I know.
[GM]Dave>> If I whispered, you wouldn't see it.
WAR>> Man, you're a joke.
WAR>> You're the worst Red Mage I've ever seen.
[GM]Dave>> Wait a second...
[GM]Dave>> How about now?
WAR>> A sword?! You equipped a sword now?!
WAR>> What the hell are you going to use a sword for?
[GM]Dave>> Well, if you don't shut up...
[GM]Dave>> I'm going to F&%@ing cut you.

He quieted down after that.

At least, I assume he did. It was hard to tell after I fed him to Jormy, booted him off the server, and then permabanned his account.

I like to imagine that he then took his own life.

I have no way of verifying that, but it makes me smile.

posted by [GM]Dave @ 8:25 PM